


Toy Story- TH3 SHR3KON1NG- TH3 MOV13- TH3 POOL G4M3- ΩMEGA EDITION

by TheAlmightyKojak



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Pixar - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Toy Story (Movies)
Genre: 7.312598repeating, Double Subversion, Gen, Inverting Cliches, Leaked Script, Memes, Subverting Cliches, This Story Will Blow Your Mind, This is a lot of Tags, Triple Subversion, Version Subversion, but it's okay i think the story is cool, cliches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-03-07 19:29:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13441722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlmightyKojak/pseuds/TheAlmightyKojak
Summary: leaked footage of the new toy storysit's pretty cool





	1. Chapter 1

this story's pretty cool i bet you'll like it

 

(here's a link to the fully-unformatted, multi-font, abomination that this is based on: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T2jOFCZWmcF2ykCnlaTwpZT7TlmZaPLC8xibswsz6KA/edit?usp=sharing )


	2. End of Toy Story 4our

We look at Woody. The camera zooms out to show Andy playing with his toys. But then, it zooms further. We see a child playing with a model of Andy’s house. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. After more zooming, the playset playset is actually another playset inside of a Sears, surrounded by millions of copies. And then, Sears is also a playset on the shelf of an Al’s Toy Barn. But Al’s Toy Barn is actually just a video game somebody is playing. And with more zooming, we see the whole universe itself. And that universe is inside Woody’s eye. The sequence continues, only faster and faster, until the picture zooms out, and it is just a movie at a cinema. We then hear a typewriter, and suddenly see the producer finishing the script. And then we hear narration, and see Morgan Freeman reading it all out of a book. But Morgan Freeman reading a book is just a painting on a cave wall. The universe zooms out once more to show us that it is nothing but a drop of water in the sea, which zooms out once again. We see that that universe is actually just a potato. Upon more zooming, that universe is just a drop of soup in a bowl. And that universe is but a speck of dust, floating in the wind. Hold it. The dust lands on a piece of popcorn. The popcorn that YOU’RE eating at the cinema, which the movie is playing at. It zooms out once more from there, and your universe is nothing but a billiard in a game of pool. From there, we see the pool game on a man’s television. It pans up through the chimney, into the stars. Everything turns black, and then bright white. Wait. It’s a roll of toilet paper. A hand grabs it, and the movie ends.


	3. Toy Story 5ive- The Inceptioning: This Time, It’s Personal

It begins with the reveal. After the sound of a flush, you see someone walk out of the bathroom.

It’s Al, back from the- Wait nevermind he wasn’t dead.

Anyways, it goes back to the toilet, where we see the toilet paper stuck to the side of the piping. Part of it is submerged underwater now. The camera zooms in to show us the man watching the billiards game. However, his house is now flooded, along with the entire neighborhood. We see the pool game is flooded as well. The universe billiard isn’t submerged yet, however it is covered in water dripping from the ceiling. But then, it falls into the water. YOUR cinema is being flooded by the water, and you drop your popcorn. The soup falls off of the table, into the flood. The potato is precariously placed on the edge of a waterfall. The sea is just sorta like tall as the moon now or something. The bottom of the cave wall is getting washed away. 

Morgan Freeman **_loses his legs_** and drops the book. 

The typewriter  **_breaks_ ** , and the script is submerged. The second cinema is flooded. And the video game of Al’s Toy Barn is at the bottom of the ocean. The actual toy barn is flooded, and a Sears playset floats away. The kid has his playset playset on the roof of his house, in a storm. Andy’s neighborhood is flooded, and the water is creeping up into his  **_room…_ **

This is where our story begins. Andy grows up to be a fedora-wearing neckbeard manbaby like Al. Anyways, Woody and Buzz climb up to higher ground. As they bring the others up, one of those alien guys falls into the water, and the current rips him into pieces. A voice echoes from somewhere, and by somewhere, I mean buried inside of Andy’s drawer. The drawer opens, and we see who’s inside. It’s Lotso, back from the also-not-dead, with two magic eight balls taped to his eyes. “Woah man I see the future” he says. Woody and Buzz know he’s probably high or something but listen to him anyways. Lotso speaks again. “The world is ending and junk, so listen to me. You need to find these special stone things, and you’ll move up a plane of reality. And if you find enough, you’ll be able to escape the apocalypse or whatever.” Woody and Buzz are obviously surprised, but don’t really care. Lotso is all like “well im out bye” and hands them the two eight balls. He then jumps into the water and explodes. The duo is like ‘woah. He just ded’, and moves onwards. The water moves upwards, and we see a couple more memorable characters explode because why not. After a  **_SUPER EXCITING_ ** action sequence, the duo finds a rock sitting on the rook. Upon touching it, they grow to human-size. Crazy right? Of course, it’s not over just yet, they realize. It’ll take a lot more to escape the apocalypse or whatever. Andy, complete with fedora neckbeard, walks in to see the two toys. Woody grabs a chair and knocks him out cold before he notices who they are. “Well darn.” he says. “Yeah oh no” Buzz says back to him. They decide to keep moving before he wakes up.

 

Then the 5ifth movie is interrupted by a surprise-


	4. Toy Story 6ix: He’s NOT Dead Until You See the Body. - Chapter Two: Electric Boogaloo

Woody and Buzz walk down the stairs of Andy’s house as human size, knocking out Andy’s mom and sister, also with chairs, just as the flood waters recede. Such beloved characters as Hamm, Slinky, and Bo Peep (Woody always loved her but never had the guts to say anything before her tragic death. How sad) are dead. The duo take a moment of silence for their fallen comrades. Buzz impersonates a violin sound effect with his laser. Many tears are shed.

After a while Woody speaks. “Well, we should probably find those stone things or whatever to prevent the apocalypse of whatever”, he says. “Yeah. It will be easy because we don’t have Lotso to worry about anymore.” Buzz says. “That's for sure. Obviously he exploded, so really the only way he’d be able to live is in a Hollywood movie where the writers have CLEARLY run out of ideas. So we are good.” Woody chuckles.

Meanwhile, in a bush conveniently placed outside Andy’s bedroom window to prevent any fall, Lotso stands up. He rummages in his pockets (he has a lot of pockets in his fur) until he finally finds an extra pair of eyes (geez, they are toys. There can be extra pairs of eyes) and puts them in his eye sockets. He then puts another pyrotechnics chip hidden on his back in case he needs to fake another explosion. He uses the rocket boots that are in his feet to fly into Andy’s room. He walks to Andy’s head, grabs a specific hair, twists it to a certain angle, and climbs in. Andy then stands up. “In case you haven’t noticed, Andy’s a robot” Lotso says to no one in particular. “Hahaha!” he laughs “Buzz and Woody will give the magical stones to Andy when they get them because-

“Y’know, once we find these stones, we should give them to Andy because he is trustworthy” Buzz says to Woody.

-he is trustworthy.” Lotso says. “Then I will have all 7.312598 repeating magical stones and I will initiate the apocalypse and become the master of all cliches! Bwahhhahahahaahahah!” Lotso laughs.

Of course, Woody and Buzz need to find the stones first.

“Hmmmmm” Woody says and he is clearly thinking a lot

“HHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM” Buzz says because he thinks louder.

“I’ve got it!” Woody says.

He knows where the next stone is

“Where i the stone?” Buzz asks because he is confused.

“I said ‘I’ve got it.’” Woody proceeds to pull the stone out of his boot, then the mythical snake lord tries to guard it. “THERE’S A  **SNAKE** IN MY  **BOOT** ,” Woody yells as he’s dragged into the depths of  _ BOOT HELL. _

_ _

Woody and Buzz wake up after an undetermined amount of time and look around. They notice that they are in a dark, expansive area, lit only by torches, with a lot of giant boots on the ground. There are also literally thousands of snakes. Also, in a very rare occurrence, yes, there were serpents residing  _ in _ the footwear.

“Snakes” says Woody. “Why’d it have to be snakes?” (clearly not quoting any particular movie there) 

Buzz shrugs and is then attacked by snakes. This is never addressed again in the plot, probably because he’s a toy so a poisonous snake’s bite wouldn’t have the same effect it would have on a human. Actually it wouldn’t really have any effect at all. Buzz, for a moment, is just as puzzled as the audience at this fact. They fight their way through  _ BOOT HELL _ , which mainly consists of throwing aside snakes that literally have no effect on them. Eventually they reach the highest point on the highest boot. There the Mythical Snake Lord stands. Next to him on an altar sits the stone. He gives a generic villain speech and boasts, but while he’s boasting, Buzz yells “EAT THIS” and shoots the venom he absorbed from the snakes out of his laser cannon. The venom ironically kills the Snake Lord in one hit-

“Killed him in one hit.” Buzz gloats.

Suddenly the Real Snake Lord walks out. What did I miss? He asks his brother, who lays dead. 

“Oh poop.” Woody says.

“Aw come on!” Buzz shouts. “Can’t we just solve a riddle or do something generic like that?!” 

“No!” the beast says. “We aren’t animals here!”

“Um technically you are.” Woody says, tipping his hat  **_intellectually._ **

“Well technically I’m a demon so there’s a difference.” the beast counters.

“Guys, please,” Buzz says, “Can we stop arguing about the minor technicalities of this flawed plot line that are not related to the overall story. People didn’t pay good money to hear us argue like this! We’re wasting there time!

“Actually, it’s “their” time.” the beast replies.

“F’ghaaaaa!” Woody shouts, “The audience isn’t even going to understand that! This is a movie, not a script!... Right?”

“You know what, I’m just gonna kill you now.” the beast says, preparing to kill the two.

“Oh geez,” Buzz gasps, “he’s gonna kill us!”

He’s about to kill them.

The beast/demon/ ** _McGUFFIN_** goes to attack.

**_CRUNCH._ **

A man whomst’ve’ll’d was sent to _BOOT HELL_ had fallen behind Woody and Buzz, distacting the Real Snake Lord.

“ The big man… is in the houes.  he say

Woody takes advantage of the distaction, and tries to kill the beast/demon/ ** _McGUFFIN_** by throwing a Monopoly box at him.

“Oh, thanks for the board game.” Real Snake Lord says.

He then eats the guy who just came into  _ BOOT HELL, _ not wanting to add another unnecessary character to the franchise.

“Oh perfect!” the snake lord laughs. “Monopoly! Here’s the rules-if you win you get to leave, and I will give you the stone. But if I win you will rot for all eternity as my personal slaves here in  _ BOOT HELL! _

“Fine” Buzz says “Let’s just make this  **_QUICK_ ** ”

 

90 Hours later…

 

(Buzz and Woody started out strong, getting a monopoly with Park Place/Boardwalk. However, the Real Snake Lord eventually monopolizes the yellows and reds, creating a very formidable stretch of the board for Woody and Buzz, leading them to have to mortgage many of their properties. Buzz and Woody eventually monopolize the light pinks, the greens, and the Railroads and utilities (you know, nobody ever talks about getting the utility properties. Nobody really cares about them. It’s sad, I mean overall I’d say they’re underrated. They don’t cost that much, you only need 2 to monopolize, and with lucky rolling you can make big bucks), with the Real Snake Lord claiming the light purples and the oranges (he also landed on free parking a few times-yes I know that’s not OFFICIALLY in the rules, but they were playing that way). This is all demonstrated through a catchy song break).

 

“Man,” Buzz says “We really should have used the new monopoly speed die. It really makes the game go a lot faster “

“WILL THIS EVER END?!” Woody asks.

“We’re probably at least half way done”, the Real Snake Lord says, trying to be comforting but actually making matters worse

“I’m done here”, Buzz says. He runs over to the Real Snake Lord and grabs the bank.

“Let’s go, Let’s go!” he shouts. He grabs their car monopoly token (a half-hour fight had ensued over who got to be the car at the beginning of the game), leaps in, grabs the stone that was next to the Real Snake Lord, uses an enlargement device that is conveniently next to the Real Snake Lord that will never be used in the plot again to enlarge the car to the size of an actual car, and puts the enlargement device down. He and Woody jump in the car. The Real Snake Lord chases them. Luckily, they go out of a door that is clearly labeled “ _ BOOT HELL _ -Exit Here”.

 

They emerge back in Andy’s backyard. Strangely, no time has passed at all since they entered  _ BOOT HELL _ .

Woody triumphantly holds up the stone.

“One down, 6.312598repeating more to go!” he says “Alright, let’s go look for the next one. We have no time to lose!”

“Or we could, y’know, call it a day here, maybe grab some sodas and relax for a little while,” says Buzz.

“No!” Woody says “We have to keep looking! How hard can it be?”

“Hey, look!” Buzz says “There’s another stone in plain sight in that bush right there.” They go over and pick it up.

“Ok, now only 5.312598repeating more to go!” says Woody.

Buzz looks at Woody.

“Fiiiiiiine, we can take a break.” Woody says. “Time to relax.”

“Let’s hit the town!” he says.

Again a song break, this time with the song “cash money” ensues, with a sequence with Buzz and Woody in a strip club, drinking booze, and getting totally   Waaaaaaasted

“Okay, that was not appropriate for a PG-rated movie” Woody says as they walk back to Andy’s house.

“I’m pretty sure this is PG-13” says Buzz. “Here, I’ll prove it to you”

He uses his ‘laser’ to kill some random guy on his phone and take his phone. He then looks up “Toy Story 6” on Google (clearly not an advertisement there). He goes to the wikipedia (also not an advertisement) page for “Toy Story 6”. “Oh wait it is only PG, I’m sorry” Buzz says. “You’re right, they should probably take that scene out.

“Cut that last scene, guys!” Buzz shouts “Take 5!”

“You got it Buzz” a voice says “You heard him!”

The camera shifts, fizzes out, finally goes black. 

“Fiiiiiiine, we can take a break.” Woody says. “Time to relax.

“Wait….” Buzz says “Didn’t you already says that?”

“I have no idea what just happened…” Woody says.

That night, Woody and Buzz go into town, where they dine at a kid-friendly establishment, and drink water instead of alcohol. They then go back to Andy’s house and play board games and watch a kid-friendly movie. To conclude the PG-appropriate sequence, the pair goes to bed in Andy’s basement. (Luckily his family is still knocked out-cold).

From in a tree in Andy’s backyard, Lotso looks into another magic eight ball. He sees the potato/universe on the waterfall. It is slowly being pushed towards the edge, wobbling occasionally. It seems it could fall any minute. 

“The apocalypse,”  Lotso says “It’s coming”


	5. Toy Story 5ive, Part 2: The part-two-ing: The Zurg-pire retaliates again

Woody wakes up in Andy’s room, prior to the events of the 4ourth movie. “Well that was a really weird dream” he says to Buzz. “I had the same dream as well.” Buzz says. “Well I’m glad that was just a dream” Woody says

In the present day, after the events of Toy Story 6, Woody wakes up, again.

“damn” Woody says.

he didn’t think it was a dream

He looked for his spinner thing

He spins it, it falls after a while

“I’m not dreaming” Woody says.

The water had continued to rise. At this point, Woody’s boots were almost completely submerged. He quickly wakes up Buzz.

“The apocalypse” Woody says

“Its coming” Buzz replies.

The two nod.

“Y’know” says Buzz, “we should really tell the director to cut that part about your spinner. It’s a fad that will be over soon. When this movie’s finally out kids probably won’t even know what’s going on.”

“Buzz”, Woody says “We should ignore the many flawed aspects of this movie where the writers have clearly run out of ideas and concentrate on saving the world from the Apocalypse. And the only way to do that is to get the remaining 5.312598repeating of those stone things.”

“Oh wait isn’t that one under Andy’s desk?” Buzz asks. In a highly action-packed sequence, Buzz dives underwater, grabs the stone, almost gets trapped under Andy’s bed that had floated over to him, but manages to obtain a herculean burst of strength to push the bed up and swim out just before he loses his last breath of air.

Gasping for air, clutching the stone in his hand, Buzz looks around, and sees Woody sitting in Andy’s chair, intently gazing at his spinner that he had just picked back up.

“Where were you when you should have been saving me dude?” Buzz asks.

Woody is still gazing in awe at the spinner. Buzz grabs it, tosses it in the air, and incinerates it using his laser. “Let’s go!” he says, and the pair jump out the window just before a giant tidal wave (bearing a striking resemblance with the wave from that ridiculously convoluted scene in Interstellar, please don’t sue us for mentioning a copyrighted thing) demolishes Andy’s house. Then they see that really creepy clown-guy from Toy Story 3hree.

“Traaaaaaavelers” he moans “I bear news in your quest for the stooooones. You will find the next three in spaaaaace.” he then instantly drops dead, because this time they see the body and Buzz identifies (using his laser) that he is really, most sincerely, dead.

“How are we going to get into space?” Woody asks.

(Neither of the group even acknowledge the clown-guy’s death)

“Duh, you idiot, I’m a freakin space ranger. Haven’t you seen the 1irst movie?” Buzz replies.

Buzz presses a button on his laser-arm and his spaceship appears.

The pair get in and fly into space.

They soon see a giant space-station-thingy.

“That’s no moon, that’s YO MAMMA!” Woody says.

“Now’s not a time for jokes,” Buzz says. “We need to find those stones!”

Inside the giant space-station-thingy, you see Zurg from the 2econd movie. He is talking to one of those alien dudes who has some helmet on. It appears they are being controlled by the helmet.

“Fire the Tractor Beam!” Zurg says. The alien presses a button and a laser from a giant John Deere TRACTOR (get it?) in the hangar shoots out a beam and pulls Buzz’s ship in.

Buzz and Woody’s ship is stuck in the hangar. A bunch of laser-gun-wielding alien dudes surround the ship.

“Well, looks like we are going to have to fight our way out of this.” Buzz says.

The duo walks out. The aliens open fire. Buzz uses his laser to gun down aliens by the dozens, but they just keep coming.

“Sucks for you that I have this cool laser and you don’t have any weapons.” Buzz said. “You’d be a lot more useful in this situation if you did.”

“Oh, but I do have a weapon.” Woody says, pulling off his boot. “Didn’t I say? There’s a _**snake** _ in my _**boot** _ _**!**_ ”

“You already used that line dude.” Buzz says.

“Oh, yeah, right. Well there are some **guns** in my boot then. It just sounded better the other way.” Woody says.

He rips out a _wild-west_ era rifle and pistol and opens fire.

“WHO SAYS THE SHERIFF CAN’T HAVE ANY FUN!?” Woody roars as he blasts into the crowd.

“EAT LEAD, SUCKFACES!” he shouts.

After a long, **action-packed** shooting sequence, a countless number of aliens lie **ded**.

“Well they shot first.” Buzz says, pointing to a dead alien with the nametag “Han”. “Han shot first”.

“Yes, yes he did.” Woody says.

“Let’s go.” Woody says. “We have to find the switch to shut that machine-thing off.”

The pair runs through the hallway. They shoot up many more aliens as they go. They also find another stone on the way in the pocket of a dead alien. Suddenly, they see the switch to shut of the Tractor beam.

“That was easy.” Woody says.

“ _Two_ _e_ asy.” Buzz replies. Suddenly, Zurg flies out of nowhere on his hovercraft-thing from the second movie.

“Ey sup dudes” he says. “Now I’m going to kill you.”

“Hey, I thought you turned good in the 2econd movie.” Woody says.

“I changed my mind”. Zurg says. “Also the dark side is stronger than the light side.” he says.

“YOU!” Buzz says. “You killed my father!”

“No Buzz,” Zurg says, “I AM YOUR FATHER!”

“Oh yeah that’s right.” Buzz says. “I’m pretty sure you said that in the second movie.”

“I did.” Zurg says.

“Ok director, can you PLEASE stop with the Star Wars references!” Woody says. “It’s getting REALLY annoying. We all know that disney owns the Star Wars franchise, and also owns Pixar, the company making this movie! This just proves disney’s greed as an american media and entertainment giant, as it crams every one of its movies with all-too-obvious and repetitive easter eggs for one of its other franchises. Besides, the title of this movie (or rather this part 2) makes it seem like it’s going to be a spoof of of ‘The Empire Strikes back,” but it seems like the events are a lot more similar to ‘A New Hope’ than to those of “Empire”. It makes no sense!”

“You know, you’re right.” Buzz says. “Get John Lasseter on the line! I need to have a little “talk” with him.”

“No time for that!” Zurg says. “Time to fight! And it’s going to be a real fight this time, not like the Obi-Wan/Vader fight from episode 4 (I don't know how to type roman numerals), where it’s just two old guys jabbing at each other with sticks!”

“Dude I thought we’re trying to stop the Star Wars references.” Buzz says.

“Oh yeah, right, sorry.” Zurg says.

The battle starts. Zurg opens fire with the gun-thing on his hovercraft-thing.

Woody and Buzz dive behind a pole. Zurg continues the barrage. Buzz sticks his laser arm out to try and get a shot, but Zurg’s gun hits the laser first.

“Oh no, my laser’s broken!” Buzz says. “What are we going to do know?”

“I have an idea,” Woody says, pulling out his guns from his boot. “I’ll use these.”

“No, those aren’t powerful enough to kill him.” Buzz says. “The only bullet strong enough to kill him is the bullet from the laser of a space ranger!”.

“Well, that is a really unnecessary and convoluted addition to the plot. It really makes it a lot harder for us.” Woody says to the director.

“Sorry, I really can’t change it now,” the director says.

“Wait, this is confusing.” Woody says.

“Forget about it!” Buzz says to Woody. “You distract Zurg with your guns. I’ll take him out!”

Woody opens fire, getting Zurg’s attention. Buzz charges Zurg while he is distracted, but Zurg knocks him aside at the last second. Woody continues to fire. Zurg flies at him. Buzz runs at Zurg again, and Zurg fires at him, which causes Buzz to fall backward. However, at the last moment Buzz rips a detonator from his pocket and tosses it on Zurg’s craft. It explodes instantly. Buzz hangs onto the ledge of the floor, overlooking a very long fall, but Woody grabs his hand at the last second and pulls him up just before he falls.

“They have that scene every movie, no exception here.” Woody says.

Buzz and Woody go to the Tractor beam switch and turn it off. Conveniently the next stone is there too. “Nice. Only 2.312598repeating left.”

The pair starts walking back to the hangar.

“So Zurg’s dead right?” Woody says. “I mean we didn't actually see him dead, but I don’t know anyone who could have survived that explosion.”

“Yep, he’s dead.” Buzz says. “It’s almost like neither of us watched the last movie.”

“Are you sure?” Woody asks.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Buzz says.

“But are you **REALLY** sure?” Woody asks.

“YES I'M SURE!” Buzz says.

“Ok good,” Woody says. “Hey, don’t you feel a little bad about killing your dad dude?”

“Not really,” Buzz says. “He was a jerk anyways.”

“Hey Buzz?” Woody says.

“Yeah?” Buzz says.

“Just checking, Zurg’s dead, right?”

“YES HE IS! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!!!!!!!!” Buzz says, rather angrily.

Suddenly, out of the smoke of the crashed hovercraft-thing, Zurg (who is not dead, in case you haven’t noticed) emerges.

Buzz looks rather embarrassed.

Woody looks like he’s about to actually explode. “How many times do I have to remind you, **DON’T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE BODY!** ”

“Yeah, jeez,” Zurg says. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that He’s NOT Dead Until you see the Body? And speaking of which, Toy Story 6ix, He’s **NOT** Dead Until You See the Body. - Chapter Two: Electric Boogaloo is out on DVD and blu-ray in a week! But if you pre-order now, we’ll throw in 2 limited-edition Toy Story 6ix action figures. And we’ll even include a pair of 3D glasses for you and your family. Plus, there’s even free shipping! All for only $19.99! Order now!”

“Wait, isn’t that movie part of this one in a weird, nonsensical, and illogical way?” Woody says.

“Forget that now!” Buzz says. “We should run before Zurg kills us.”

“Good idea.” Woody responds.

The pair take off running for the hangar. Zurg follows.

An alien guard tries to block their path, but Buzz shoots it with his laser.

“Hey, I thought your laser broke,” Woody says.

“Nah, I just turned it off to make that last action sequence more interesting and less cliche.”

They keep running. They jump in their ship and take off.

“You haven’t seen the last of me!” Zurg shouts.

Buzz and Woody head back to earth, away from Zurg’s space station.

“Man, I wish we had some proton torpedoes to take this thing out.” Woody says.

“ _Wait!_ ” Woody says. “That clown dude said we would find 3 stones up here. We’ve only got two!”

“You’re right.” Buzz says. He feels something under his seat. “There’s something under my seat.” he says. He pulls out the next stone.

“Well that was easy.” Woody says.

They land on earth, on Andy’s roof, which is the only part of his house not submerged by the floodwaters. In front of them sits the last 1.312598repeating stones. (the 0.312598repeating of the stone is just some gravel equal to 0.312598repeating% the mass of a regular stone. This is due to the fact that the writers weren’t feeling creative in that aspect.)

“This is it, Woody.” Buzz says.

The two are standing on opposite sides of the final stone. Finally, the  journey is over. Woody reaches to grab the stone…

The Potato drops.

It splits in two.

The sea parts.

The cave painting has a crack down the middle.

Morgan Freeman

**_SPLITS_ **

**_IN_ **

**_HALF._ **

The man picks up the soggy script, and rips the paper apart.

There’s an earthquake in the cinema, and it too splits apart.

The video game cartridge falls apart.

Sears crumbles.

The house is in shambles.

As Woody reaches for the stone, a rift in space itself runs through the entire universe. It perfectly bisects the stone, right before he can grab it. A crack appears in Woody’s left eye.

It is at this point when a surprise happens, in the form of:


	6. Toy S | tory

 Woody                                                                                                                                                                                                   Buzz

Toy S

\7e

)x2 C

The Spl

  


“Damn” Woody says

The stone is broke. Wherever Buzz is, he’s got the other piece.

“Seriously!? Are you kidding me!?” he shouts “We were so close, and now the movie’s getting even more extended than before!”

Before him is a massive tear in the fabric of reality. A starry curtain separates the two halves of the universe.

“On top of that, my eye hurts.” Woody mentions, for those who didn’t notice the obvious crack in his eye from earlier.

He looks around atop Andy’s roof, and sees that he is literally inches away from an abyss of nothingness, like the universe just stops.

“Y’Know,” he says, “The ancient philosopher Thesistupidades once said that the universe is but a giant potato, and that that potato may randomly split at any moment, when it is least convenient for the ridiculous and drawn-out plot of a movie that has come to represent the dilemma that Hollywood is nothing but countless sequels/prequels/remakes/etc, with no original content.”

“ _Prequel_?”

The director says.

“That’s a great idea! Get on that!” he says to the writer.

“Anyways, back to my philosophical rant,” Woody says. “Thesistupidades also said that that universe that is a potato is nothing but a small, inconspicuous part of another universe.”

““ ** _EYE_** ” wonder where that universe could be,” Woody says, with an all-too-obvious wink from his cracked left eye.

“Good one,” the director says.

“Shut up!” Woody says.

“So the universe is broken then…” Woody says. “I know what can fix this-DUCT TAPE!” “Now all I have to do is find a place around here that sells duct tape. What could go wrong there?”

A song break ensues where Woody visits every store in town, only to find out that each and every one is, somehow, out of duct tape. (For some reason in the song no one reacts to the fact that there is literally a 6-foot tall talking toy walking around, except for one kid who says that Woody looked similar to Woody from the Toy Story Movies, which confuses the viewer even more)

Soon, there is only one place left in town that Woody hasn’t checked:

**_AL’S TOY BARN_**

Woody walks down the giant aisles of the toy barn. On the walls are playset after playset, under a promotional banner marking the cinematic release of Toy Story 7even x2 Combo: The Splitening (wait, WHAT?!). There are playsets of countless scenes from the movies of the Toy Story franchise. Woody sees a playset of himself looking at a playset of the scene you see right now (Woody looking at a playset). And right next to that is another playset of the playset of Woody looking at a playset of himself looking at a playset. Woody is very confused and continues his search. It’s best to not pay attention to the recursiveness, lest the fabric of reality unfolds. Woody keeps walking. He turns a corner and he sees- ** _SID!_**

To be more specific, he sees a plush Sid the Sloth from Ice Age on one of the shelves. Yeah not the Sid you were thinking. That would have been way too confusing and just another of the countless unnecessary additions to this never-ending franchise.

“By the way guys,” Woody says. “Did we pay 20th century fox or whoever owns Ice Age if we could use Sid?”

“Uhhhhh...no.” the director says.

“Well we should probably get on that.” Woody says.

“Good idea,” the director responds.

Woody turns another corner and right there, LITERALLY in plain sight, is a **GIANT**

altar-thingy. Atop the altar-thingy sits a singular roll of **GOLDEN** duct tape that appears to be very valuable. It’s on sale for $4.99.

“Well that was easy,” Woody says, “If I’ve learned anything from these movies, when there’s something right in front of you there is not a thing that can go wrong. Now I’ll just grab this duct tape, use it, and get the universe back in one piece. No Problem!”

Suddenly, a whole huge row of racks come crashing down. Out jump the mutant toy guys from Toy Story 1ne. (Wait, who? Oh yeah, those guys). Another row comes down and Al himself appears, back from the not-dead. He is really fat (well he was before but still) and looks like he hasn’t shaved in weeks (and has also been eating a lot of fast food).

“YOU!” he roars at Woody. “We meet again. I’m finally going to kill you for ruining my business way back in that second movie, or whatever you did to me. I kinda forget. Wait, I think it was you just ran away or something and I was going to sell you. I am not exactly positive. I haven’t seen the 2econd movie for a while.”

“Oh yeah you” Woody says. “You haven’t been here since that weird scene from the 4ourth and 5ifth movies. Figured you would appear again eventually because these writers keep running out of ideas.”

“Wait, why are you guys here?” Woody asks the mutant toys. “I thought you were on my side.”

“Well that wasn’t cool how you just abandoned us at Sid’s house there.” the spider-boy-thing says.

“Yeah that was a dick move dude,” Al says.

“Jeez, what do you people want from me?” Woody asks. “I don’t write these things. I just get the script and do what I’m told to do! Also there’s really no incentive to stop me. I mean it sucks for you also that the universe is broken. Can’t you just let me get it?”

“Better in terms of the plot if we don’t.” the spider-boy-thing says. “Now let’s get ‘em!”

“NOT SO FAST!” a booming voice shouts.

Hamm and Slinky crash through the window.

“You didn’t think really think that you could just stop these bad guys without me, now did you Mr. Sheriff?” Slinky asks.

“Not without my favorite deputy.” Woody replies.

A single tear trickles down his cheek.

“Actually though my “favorite deputy” would be Buzz.” Woody says. “No offense dude. You can be my second favorite.”

The two sides run at each other. An action-packed sequence ensues. Woody grabs the walking-fishing-pole-thing and swings it into the hand-in-the-box and another mutant toy (sorry I can’t remember that many of them). Hamm is overwhelmed by a group of mutant toys. Slinky charges and wraps himself around the mutant toys, choking them instantly. More mutant toys charge, but Woody, Slinky, and Hamm hold them off with Woody’s guns. The spider-boy-thing grabs the duct tape and makes a run for it (oh yeah I forgot to mention all the mutant toys are Woody’s size now they found the same thing that made Buzz and Woody big. Hamm and Slinky found it two, as did every other toy that was or will be relevant to this plot simply so we can make things a lot simpler. Sorry, should have cleared that up before. It would have probably been really confusing to have man-sized toys fighting toy-sized toys). They are surrounded, but Woody manages to grab the walking-fishing-pole-thing, swing on the pole, and soar, tackling the spider-boy-thing. Woody grabs the duct tape and heartlessly stabs the mutant toy to death with a dagger from his boot. Slinky and Hamm have finally killed all the rest of the mutant toys.

“I think that’s all of them,” Hamm says as Al steps out, looking half-crazed, from behind a shelf. He speaks to Woody.

“I’ve had it,” he says. “You ruined my life! And now I will kill you. Ohhh, I have waited sooooo long for this moment. But it’ll all be worth it...hahahaha…”

He continues to monologue for a very long amount of time, leaving Woody and his friends standing there doing absolutely nothing.

Al draws a sword and prepares himself to attack.

‘It’s over for you!!!” he crows.

Suddenly Al falls to the ground and dies of a heart attack. Being that, let's just say (don’t want to offend anyone), well, large, puts a lot of strain on your body. The group grabs the duct tape and leaves the body, knowing he is DEFINITELY dead due to past experiences in this franchise.

“Wait a minute!” Woody says to Hamm and Slinky. “You guys died a few movies ago. Director, we gotta change this!”

“Sorry, we can’t,” he says. ‘We’ve already filmed and don’t have the money to retake this and change the script.”

“Oh yeah, about that,” Hamm says. “We found this other magical stone-thingy on that Rook that allowed the two of us to temporarily be revived when you needed us the most. The director just told me to say that.”

“Really?” Woody says to the director. “That’s the best you could come up with? That’s really lame dude. You guys gotta try better. Like your stuff was believable at first but come on you guys really gotta try better.”

“Like I said, we don’t have the **_$MONEY$_**  to change it now. Just roll with it. It says you have to in your contract.” the director says.

“ _Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine….:(_ “

Woody says. He notices Hamm and Slinky begin to disappear.

“Well see ya,” Woody says.

He picks up the roll of **GOLDEN** duct tape. He realizes that he can’t use it on his side of the Potato-verse (I think that makes sense this plot is really confusing) because he needs someone else to hold the other side.

“Hey director can you help me with this?” Woody asks. “I know this will make literally no sense, but there’s no one else who can help me here and I’m really just so tired of this convoluted plot lines. The sooner we can get this universe back in one piece and get this stones to Andy (I mean nothing can go wrong there) the better.”

“Sure, I’ll help.” the director says, appearing suddenly out of nowhere. (don’t even ask at this point) The two take a side and connect the **GOLDEN** duct tape to the end of their half of the potato-verse (They had also walked back to Andy’s house before doing this because that’s where their end of the potato-verse is. Wait nevermind, they didn’t walk, the took the bus, it was too far of a walk)  “Once Buzz gets an adhesive on the other side, this potato-verse will be back in one piece!” Woody explains. “Then nothing can go wrong!”

“Now I just gotta wait till Buzz’s done,” Woody says.

“Well since you’ve got time to kill, I’m gonna need you to do a Verizon (copyrighted) commercial.” the director says.

“Y’know what, NO!” Woody says. “I draw the line here” he says as he takes a sharpie and draws a line on Andy’s roof. “You can call me a lot of things, but one thing I’m not is a sell-out!” Woody monologues, quite passionately. “I just HATE it when people cave into the pressure that easily. It makes me sick. I mean, it’s like you guys are already so rich, what’s another couple hundred thousand buck to you?! I’m not doing it director! You can’t make me sell out! I’ll never sell out!”

The camera pans to the director, who has a confused look on his face. When the camera pans back to Woody, it’s clear he looks different. On his boots is a sign for Toyota. His pants have McDonalds and Starbucks logos on them. His vest sports Adidas, Nintendo, Microsoft, and Nike ads. And on his hat, to everyone’s surprise, is a giant advertisement for the Walt Disney Company. What a surprise there. These ads are never shown or addressed again.

“Well since we gotta wait for Buzz, do you wanna, like, watch a movie or something?” the director asks, as the pair go into Andy’s house.

“Sure,” Woody says. “I haven’t seen Toy Story 1ne for a while. Let’s watch that!”

“Actually, let’s just watch em all!” the director exclaims.

The following scenes consist of the entirety of the Toy Story franchise up to this point being played at an extremely fast rate, just because it would take too long to play it full-speed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Waiting…” Woody says

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says. “This is a really good part though”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says, yet another time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Still waiting…” Woody says.

  
  
  
  
  


"Hey, whadda ya know." Woody says. "I'm still waiting."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I really love it when A03 messes up the table formatting and leaves all this new blank space, haha." The Director sighs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, while I have the time, I might as well re-say that you, the reader, should check out the doc in its original form for maximum viewing pleasure. I'm not even sure if some of the later parts can be adapted to A03 formatting." The Director says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What are you even talking about?" Woody asks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Shhhhhhhh" The Director shhhes. "This is all non-canon."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"On top of my plug for the original doc, we're planning on making an animatic and a live-action adaptation of this beautiful masterpiece, so look out for that. We have a Youtube set up and everything!" The Director continues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Are we even allowed to advertise like that here?" Woody asks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"IDK." The Director says. "I doubt anyone will care enough to read this anyways."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, it looks like Buzz is almost done now,” Woody says as he sticks his head out of his screen to look at Buzz’s screen

  
  
  
  


Finally, duct tape has been applied to both sides of the Potato-verse.

  


The ground starts to shake.

  


“I hope this works!” Woody says.

| 

tory

/en:

)mbo:

itening

  


“Crap” Buzz says

He looks at the broken rock in front of him.

“We’re gonna need so much duct tape for this.” He sighs.

Buzz picks up the piece of the last stone, and looks at the giant rip in spacetime.

“I gotta find a way to get over to the other side!” He says.

Buzz looks at his watch, even though he hasn’t had a watch for the past 2.5 movies.

“Well, there’s still a couple hours to go until this is feature-length, so I _SUPPOSE_ it can wait a _little_ bit…”

Buzz picks up his spinner thing and begins to wait.

“I’m tired.” he says minutes later. He lays down and takes a nap.

Time passes…

Buzz stays asleep so the audience can hear Woody’s satirical social commentary.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Alright that’s enough of that.” Buzz says, standing up. “Time to blow this popsicle stand.”

He calls down one-half of his spaceship, since the other half was on the other side. Buzz quickly pulls out some duct tape to cover the openings in the ship.

“Magic tape, don’t fail me now!” He says, flying into space with the ship.

Buzz stares out into space, or rather, the half that’s left of it.

“Aha! I’ve got it!” Buzz shouts. “The ancient philosopher, Thesistupidades, once said the universe was a potato or something, right?”

He pulls out the duct tape.

“I’mma fix it.”

Buzz opens up a secret compartment in the ship, marked ‘special fuel’. He drops the spinner inside.

After a moment, the engine makes a very loud noise, and Buzz’s ship begins to travel at ludicrous speeds.

“Thiiiis iiiisssss tooooooo faaaaaaaaast!” Buzz says.

His ship explodes.

  
  
  


_Toy Story 6ix.3hree: New Horizons: Not Dead Boogaloo_

  


Buzz is, amazingly, not dead. The explosion from his ship has actually sent him into a higher plane of reality. The half of the screen that Buzz is on (this side) is actually going faster than Woody’s side because Buzz was transported to a higher and faster plain of reality due to the immense speed of his spaceship.

“Ugh, where the hell am I?” He asks.

It seems he's in a cinema of some sort.

The cinema is playing the scene in Bee Movie where they’re like “Bee men” and then sing in heavenly chorus but it’s in extreme slow motion and loops. Jerry Seinfeld is the ticket salesman of the cinema.

“Jeez, this sure is a high quality establishment.” Buzz grumbles. A few people throw popcorn at him because his ship interrupted the movie, but he just vaporizes it with his laser. He walks outside to find himself in… A dark pink Washington DC? No. Looking at a sign, Buzz finds that he’s in LOTSO D.C.

“Oh what the hell” Buzz asks.

He starts walking around. He passes a dark pink Washington monument, a dark pink Lincoln memorial, a dark pink Jefferson memorial, the Dark Pink House, and well, you get the idea. Except every respective monument seems to be commemorating Lotso.

“Well this is weird,” Buzz says. “Why would there be an entire city built in Lotso’s image, when Lotso _OBVIOUSLY_ died in the 5ifth movie. I mean, there’s literally no way he could have survived a freakin explosion!”

Suddenly Buzz hears a voice that says

“Hey Buzz”

He turns around and there stands Lotso, who is clearly not dead.

“Oh hey Lotso,” Buzz says. “Nice place you got here.”

“Thanks,” says Lotso. “That really means a lot, considering all the hard work I’ve put into it. In fact, would you like a guided bus tour of LOTSO D.C. ?”

“Sure, actually I’d love that!” Buzz says. He realizes.

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be the bad guy?” he asks.

“I’m actually not sure,” Lotso says. “I should probably check the plot summary of this thing on wikipedia.” He pulls out his brand-new iphone X (whoa, product placement) and googles it.

“Man, this new ios 11 is AMAZING!” he says. After reading the plot summary he comes to a conclusion. “Oh wait , I am the bad guy. I should probably kill you now.”

“That’s fine dude,” Buzz says. “But before you do, can you tell me how to get out of here so I can get back to Andy’s house?”

“Sure,” Lotso says, “It’s actually pretty easy. Take (dark pink) Pennsylvania avenue five blocks till you reach the (dark pink) library of congress, then take a left at the light, go straight till you reach the (dark pink) Kennedy center, and after that there’s a door that says “Exit”.”

“Thanks!” Buzz says “See you around dude!” he takes off.

“Wait, why did I just say that?” Lotso says. “We can’t let them escape!” He snaps his fingers and out appears that insect-dude from Toy Story 3hree (I think his name was Twitch or something, I’m not positive though), and that creepy monkey dude, also from Toy Story 3hree. The trio of terrifyingly twisted toys (you gotta admit, that was some solid alliteration) hop in the Lotsomobile™ (which is really just a Ford Mustang painted dark pink) and pursue Buzz.

  
  


Buzz runs down the street, with Lotso in hot pursuit.

“Man, I wish I had some sort of bike I could use to go faster,” he says. He then spots a bike on the corner and grabs it, taking off. “What a convenient addition to the plot” Buzz remarks. After a while on the bike, Buzz says “Man, I wish I had some sort of car I could use to go faster.” He then spots a guy parking his car, incinerates the innocent man with his laser, and takes off in his car.

“What a convenient addition to the plot” Buzz remarks again. He notices the Lotsomobile™ is right on his tail. It pulls up to him, and Twitch jumps on the back of Buzz’s car. Buzz drives recklessly (ignoring the speed limit of 35), trying to shake Twitch, but can’t shake him. Twitch eventually makes it to where Buzz is driving, and sticks a gun right to Buzz’s face.

“Time to have this Space Guy go die!” the evil insect crows triumphantly.

“Dude, that was a really bad line,” Buzz says. “You should really get something better.”

“Shut up!” Twitch says. “You’re still gonna die anyways!”

“Yeah, guess you’re right,” Buzz says. “It's gonna take something really stupid and convoluted to save me now.”

Suddenly Buzz drives under a stoplight, which nails Twitch square in the head, causing him to fall off the vehicle (and also gives him a concussion, that could potentially be quite serious, and could lead to grave consequences, both physically and mentally, later in his life.).

“Well that was convenient,” Buzz says.

Next the creepy monkey dude pulls up next to Buzz, on a motorcycle.

“Oh no, not this guy!” Buzz screams “The first time I saw Toy Story 3hree, as a kid, I was terrified of this dude!”

The monkey dude slashes at Buzz, but he ducks. He draws out a knife and jabs at Buzz repeatedly. Buzz dodges, takes a few _VERY_ sharps turns, but the monkey dude remains on his tail.

“Alright, I’m done “monkeying” around” Buzz says, as he plays a “bu-dum-ching” sound effect from his laser. He abruptly spins around in the street, turning in the other direction, and accelerating very quickly. The monkey dude attempts the same turn to follow Buzz, but loses control, and explodes. Buzz continues, finds the door, and walks up to it, but is stopped by Lotso, who just pulled up in the Lotsomobile™. Lotso pulls out a dark pink shotgun.

“Any last words?” he asks.

“Actually, yes,” Buzz says. “I mean that door you said is the exit is right here. So I’ll literally go in there and be out of this dump. See ya!”

“I didn’t really think of that…” Lotso says.

“Game over, Lotso!” Buzz says, as he disappears through the door.

  


The first thing Buzz sees when he enters the door is a dark pink pentagon. Then he realizes that he’s still in LOTSO D.C.

“What?” he exclaims “Lotso said that door’s the way out. Why would he lie to me?”

“Umm, because I’m the bad guy, duh bro”

Lotso, who has just appeared behind Buzz, says.

“The only way out is to defeat me!” he says “And I have my LOTSO D.C.

Army to make sure you’ll never win.” Lotso says, indicating to a large group of toy soldiers, wearing dark pink coats (similar to the British “redcoats”) that has amassed behind him.

“Oh man,” Buzz says “What am I gonna do now?”

Suddenly the doors to the (Dark Pink) Al’s Toy Barn (what, it’s a chain) across the street burst open. An army of different colored Buzz Lightyear toys walk out.

“When there’s a fellow space ranger in trouble,” one of them says, “We always help them out!”

“Uhhh you guys know that you’re actually toys, right?” Original Buzz asks

“Of course we do” one of them says “Do you really think we didn’t watch Toy Story 1ne?”

Buzz turns to Lotso.

“Well if it’s a fight you want, bub, than it’s a fight you’ll get!” he says.

  


**Toy Story 6ix.4our: The Battle of Buzz-ker Hill: How many 6ixes are there gonna be?**

  


For a few moments, everything is quiet.

The two opposing armies face each other. Everyone can sense the tension in the air. Every man on the field prepares for this great moment, when two of the world’s most powerful armies (Well, armies that consist of toys) will battle. Everyone knows it. The fate of the Potato-verse is at play here.

For a few more moments, still no one speaks, as they can all feel the magnitude of this fateful and historic moment, that could come to define a generation.

Suddenly a random dude runs out of nowhere screaming.

“ ** _Omigoshhelphelpwereallgonnadie_** ”

The dude then trips over a curb, falls down a sewer, and is presumed dead.

“TAKE THEM DOWN!” Lotso orders his men.

The two sides charge. The only thing one can here is the sounds of bullets and artillery being fired, and the screams of the hundreds of innocent men that have been viciously slaughtered. Original Buzz takes his laser, opening fire on a group of Dark Pink Coats. Him and a couple other Buzzes hold them back. Suddenly, a bunch of bombs fall out of **nowhere** , narrowly missing the group of Buzzes.

Original Buzz looks up and sees some Dark Pink jet fighters.

“Looks like it’s time to fight fire with fire!” Original Buzz says as he gets in his half of a ship and takes to the skies. Original Buzz fights an intense dogfight as the song “Danger Zone” (from the Movie Top Gun, hey did you hear they’re making a second one of those? Oops sorry, I got off topic there) plays.

Meanwhile, on the ground, the two sides are equally matched. The Buzzes have established themselves atop a hill (in case you’re wondering how the title of this movie is gonna play in), trying to prevent the enemy from making it up to the high ground.

The Buzzes gun down Dark Pink Coats by the dozens, but swarms more of them just keep coming. Barrages of dark pink artillery and mortar shells rain down on the brave defenders. Divisions of dark purple tanks slowly advance on the hill, their armor too tough for a normal Buzz laser to penetrate.

Lotso, ruthless as ever, has ordered even the use of (dark pink) chemical weapons (which I’m pretty sure are illegal under the dark pink Geneva convention), which are dropped from dark pink fighter planes. It is total war.

Meanwhile, Original Buzz is still flying. He shoots down 2 more planes. Three more are on his tail. He leads them close to the ground and flies up abruptly at the last second, causing the three to crash into the ground and explode. Buzz is a very good pilot. That’s one of the things they taught him at the Space Ranger Academy. There’s only one more enemy plane left, and it’s behind him. Buzz tries to lose him in the dark pink clouds, but this pilot remains sharp on him. Buzz’s had enough. He opens up his ship’s cockpit, jumps out, does one of those cool flip-thingys he did in Toy Story 1ne, and crashes through into the enemy’s plan. Buzz incinerates the pilot using his laser instantly.

“Well there goes that guy.” Buzz remarks.

He looks in the back of the plane he’s in and sees the **Dark Pink Nuclear Bomb**

“Well this is convenient.” Buzz says.

  


Meanwhile, on the ground, the remaining defenders of the hill are few and exhausted. Lotso, the victorious general, speaks up. Everyone stops shooting and pays attention.

“I offer you one chance to surrender!” he bellows. “Do it now and your lives may be spared.”

“Never!” a voice from the crowd shouts.

“So be it,” Lotso says (yes, this scene is really generic). “Any last words?”

  


“I’ve got some!” says a voice from up high. That voice belongs to Original Buzz.

  


**“SUCK ON THIS, LOTSO!”**

Original Buzz roars as he chucks the **Dark Pink Nuclear Bomb**

On Lotso’s army.

After the smoke clears, most of Lotso’s army is dead. Those who aren’t are in full retreat. (Miraculously, none of the Buzzes were harmed). Soon, Lotso stands alone.

“This isn’t over!” he barks before departing in the Lotsomobile™.

“I’m sure he’s dead.” says Original Buzz

  
  


As Lotso drives away he says (to nobody in particular)

“Wait, why did I even try to stop Buzz in the first place”, he ponders “I mean once he gets all those stones he’s just gonna give them to my robot, Andy. So it’s a win-win for me. And now my whole army’s gone, too. Well, it wasn’t all a waste. That was a pretty kick-ass battle scene. That’ll prob help bring in the **_$BIG BUCKS$_** at the box office. And according to my contract, the better this movie does, the more money I bring in. So I guess it is not all bad.”

  
  


Meanwhile, at the battle site, it’s clear the Buzzes are victorious. The Dark Pink Statue of Liberty appears, walking towards them.

“Because you have proven yourself worthy of winning this battle” she says to Original Buzz “Now you can leave LOTSO D.C.

“Aww sweet!” Buzz says.

The statue opens her mouth as a door appears in it. A sign, pointing to the door, clearly says

“LOTSO D.C.: EXIT”

Buzz goes inside. He’s back in the cinema now. His appearance seems to have interrupted the moviegoers.

“Dude, be quiet!” some dude shouts. “We’re trying to watch this.

“Yeah!” someone else says.

“If you don’t stop, I’m gonna have to escort you out, buddy!” the security guard says.

The recent experiences have put a lot of stress on Buzz (Thank God I can stop saying “Original Buzz” now. That got soooooo annoying). He’s had enough.

“SHUT UP!” Buzz yells. “Seriously people, SHUT UP!!!!!!!! I’ve had a long, and rather exhausting day. I don’t need this extra stress in my life. I will be out of your way soon. Just leave me alone. If you people can’t shut your faces, I’ll evaporate your all with my laser!”

Everyone shuts up.

“Thank you!” Buzz says. “Now was that that hard guys?”

He looks at the screen and sees that Toy Story 7even is playing. He realizes that that is the way out, especially considering there’s a sign pointing to the screen that says THE WAY OUT. He steps through the screen and is back on Andy’s roof.

He grabs his roll of duct tape and goes to work.

  


Finally, duct tape has been applied to both sides of the Potato-verse.

  


The ground starts to shake.

  


“I hope this works!” Buzz says.  
  
---|---


End file.
